December 2009
If I could write myself a letter...
Dear Carly,
It’s so easy to drown in the sea of people around you. It takes no effort at all to lose yourself amongst the crowd. It’s so much easier to pour yourself into a mold someone else made for you…
until you squirm uncomfortably in your bed at night because the way in which you solidified in that mold doesn’t exactly fit how they say it should. Until you feel...
“You see, women try to change bananas into apples. They must realize that bananas...”
– Jared Metz (Explaining how women always feel they can change men for the better) Greatest metaphor of all time?
I haven't felt this free in a long time.
Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this free. Since when does life treat me like a princess? I’m a bit curious. And a lot grateful.
:]
Inadequacy
is a powerful feeling. Painful, too.
But as you waste time and underestimate and undermine.. I’m packing my bags awaiting the chance to fly away and make something of myself. And years later when I return for a visit, you’ll still be here. You and your swollen tongue.
There’s my two cents!
The idea of not being friends with you..
used to sicken me. The thought of you gone gave me chills.
I never would’ve thought I’d be the one to shove you out the door and close it.
Surprising, indeed. But I wouldn’t take it back for anything. You could torture me again. Try and convince me that I can’t do life without you. But nothing- nothing could convince me. Nothing would make me believe you.
I’m so...
“You took the lonely, and took me for a ride. Oh, you blew it. You put me through...”
There are some memories..
that are a bit more haunting than they should be.
And certain songs awaken those little sleeping monsters.
Once that happens, sleep is next to impossible. Just have to lie there and breathe.
I just gave my voice box the work out of her life.
And I’m way more excited about it than I should be.
Mastered an amazing song. Belted the whole way through and hit a new high. Best day ever? I’d say so.
asd;lfkj
In Taylor Mill.
Happy as a clam.
Best Christmas Ever? I might go as far as to say that!
Just finished watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.. and skyping with Austin.
5AM is approaching quickly. And I’m running on 2 hours of sleep. And I have a full day of family outings tomorrow. Yayy! This is getting ridiculous.
My body needs sleep. But my mind won’t let it happen. Hm…
Merry Christmas!
I had a wonderful one..
Did you?
What's that body?
You’re tired?
Well apparently not. Because it’s 4:30 in the freaking morning and you still won’t let me go to bed.
I’m cross with you!
I could've loved you to the moon and back..
spellboundsunday:
carlweave:
And it would have changed nothing. So I refuse to blame myself. Or be afraid of what’s to come. Because I give my best, and I give it with my whole heart. And if that’s not enough for you, then you’re not enough for me. And I refuse to pretend otherwise.
I feel good.
You’ve come to a conclusion that I’ve been searching for for quite some time. Thanks. :)
You...
I could've loved you to the moon and back..
It wouldn’t have been enough. And it would have changed nothing. So I refuse to blame myself. Or be afraid of what’s to come. Because I give my best, and I give it with my whole heart. And if that’s not enough for you, then you’re not enough for me. And I refuse to pretend otherwise.
I feel good.
Screw being nocturnal or insomniatic or whatever I...
I isolate myself from people because I’m up all night. And other humans are not.
So then I get lonely. And then I start panicing about how many things are wrong with me…and why there’s no one to talk to. And how I push people away and let no one in. But then I glance at the clock. And it says 2:33AM. And then I understand why. And I realize that once it’s light outside...
First official day into winter break.
And my sleep schedule is already extremely off. I went to bed at 7 this morning and woke up at 10am. Although I felt strangely rested all day.
Went to the library. Got some books. Jared came over. We rented Hide and Seek. About died of a heart attack watching it. Split personalities? What? Hm. Anyway.. we chilled. And talked.
He just left. And I’m pretty tired. Tomorrow is being spent with...
“My gripe is not with lovers of the truth but with truth herself. What succor,...”
– The Thirtneenth Tale- Diane Setterfield. (I’m in love)
“He’s a good-time cowboy casanova- leaning up against the record machine....”
For some people it's, "There's nothing to wear!"
For others.. “There’s nothing to eat!”
For me? There’s nothing to read! Oh my freaking gosh! I’m looking at my bookshelf and there’s absolutely nothing to read. It’s too soon for me to start HP again because I just finished grieving. haha. I can’t read Twilight again after reading HP because now I know what good writing is. If I read The Secret Life...
Hi. My name is Carly.
And I’m always the one to cave in.
Obviously something’s not right.
But just this once- will you come to me?
Oh popsicles.
You save lives. Or at least throats.
Losing my voice. I sound pretty cute right about now. Hmph.
Studying for US and Algebraa! And after that, getting some spanish in there. I cannot wait until these things are over.
“Liv, if I clapped everytime you said “like,” I would be applauding...”
– Carly Weaver (via jennmariexo)
True statement.
“Perfect by nature- Icons of self indulgence. Just what we all need! More lies...”
I'm currently studying for chem.
Well..attempting anyway. I keep getting distracted by the side comments and Eppie-quotes jotted in my lab book. While it may not help on the exam, it keeps me laughing.
Jenn’s over! She’s on my bed listening to hypnosis stuff she downloaded on her iPod. Apparently it improves concentration and helps release emotional disturbances or stress or something. Not really sure. But she looks...
Man sluts
make me laugh. Especially when they think I don’t know I’m on to them.
I’m polite, not stupid. Keep your hands to yourself.
Sing-Off is the funniest a capella show of all...
Me: Grandmas are goin' to rehab?!
Leisha: They said, no! no! no! ...But at their age it's really too late to quit.
“I love you! Not in the hey let’s have sex and get married way. But more...”
– Jake Weyer
“I find the most annoying thing about school to be that almost all of the...”
– Hahahaha Mystery Google Friend.
I'm Carly.
And I spent this evening with my dad.
And liked it.
It's not a sin to be vulnerable.
I wish someone had told me that sooner. Then again, they probably did. And I just didn’t listen.
Everything is changing. Everything.
Just had a heart to heart.
With my father. My biological father. As in Bo.
That hasn’t happened in seven years.
It all makes sense now.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is by far my favorite of the series. But, I somehow can’t accept that it’s over. J.K. Rowling did more than write seven books. She created a world which captivated my mind, and characters who essentially captivated my heart.
And it was all for love.
“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without...
Dear Adam Lambert,
your voice is undeniably remarkable. You have the range of an angel, my dear. But I’m unsure about your new album. It’s definitely something edgy! And very expressive. It’s also very sexually charged. And I’m not sure what to say about it. At first I was uncomfortable.. but now I find it kind of humorous. You telling people you’re gonna hold them down until...
Friday night discussions with JarCar
include…
-the purpose of life
-eternity and what really happens to us after we die
-jared’s doubt of reincarnation
-my awe of a King who gave it all just to be with us
-our undeniable need to be loved merely because we’re human
-how temporary love on earth is, therefore exposing the need to be loved by an eternal being
-how that somehow made sense to jared
-how i’ve...
“My mom dressed me up as a unicorn for Halloween once. It was pretty...”
– Hailey Detisch
I just sang first soprano...
from 1:45 - 4:30.
My vocal chords are squirting blood. I don’t want to phonate for a very long time.
What's that, weekend?
You missed me? Aw, I missed you too. And today we are reunited. [AT LAST]
The only thing I love more than 8 hours at...
is a 5 hour car ride AFTER 8 hours at school.
Bliss, I tell you.
Home now. Going to light a fire and read.
My mom's a little on the nutty side.
Jann: Carly! Your eyes are all bloodshot!
Me: Well I've been doing drugs pretty heavy, Mom.
Jann: Hahahaha.
Me: ...What's so funny?
Jann: I just imagined you high! Baha! Hilarious!
How the heck is it not Friday?
Didn't they always say we were the lucky ones?
I guess that we were once, babe, we were once. but luck will leave you cursed. It is a faithless friend.
Oh but in the end, when life has got you down, you’ve got someone here that you can wrap your arms around.
On occasion
I have extremely deep talks with my mother. This happens when she decides to be honest with herself. Because she knows I see straight through her. I know more about these things than a sixteen year old should. I have seen more than a sixteen year old should. I grew up too fast. So, to compensate, I am now clutching onto my youth for dear life. But for the record, Mom, I don’t blame you....
A rude awakening.
I’d been feeling fine all day. My mom asks me to ride with her to pick out some shoes for Whitney for Christmas. So, I agree to go. And all of a sudden become too tired for words. Exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. So I’m struggling to keep conscious. And the next thing I know… my head hits the dashboard at approximately 60 mph. I had fallen asleep and fell forward and...
For what it's worth.
Ten Favorite Places To Be:
10. Lee University (Cleveland, Tennessee) 9. Winnsboro, South Carolina 8. Cherokee, North Carolina 7. Taylor Mill 6. School (Shut up. I know) 5. Outside 4. PAC 3. The cemetery 2. Alone lately (Not usually so) 1. On stage (Singing)
Nine ‘Weird’ Things About You:
9. I have 14 split personalities. But I’m not the least bit bipolar. 8. I have found my other...
“There’s gonna be a heartache tonight.
The moons shining bright.
But turn...”
– Oh Michael, you slay me.
I just met a fourteen year old version
of me. Except a boy. It was interesting.
Crossing my fingers for some snow.
I've laughed entirely too much this weekend.